Hark! This is the night,
Where Big Red Arthur tries to make it right,
And I, I was a child,
I couldn’t win, but I could see

And this is where Big Red Arthur
Slides down the chimney 
And lands on spikes,
He lands on spikes
(He lands on spikes!)
He will never, ever, see Christmas!

And every single one of those business men,
Who dine on their foie gras tonight,
Drop drawers and count to ten
With a finger in your mouth you bite

Sometimes you watch the news,
And you see terrible things,
Sometimes you’ve got to choose
Which crook  the hangman swings,
And I know, Big Red Arthur is laughing
As he bids adieu to this hideous world

Boxing Day, Mum and Dad
Explain ballistics,
It’s all so sad,
Lies, more of the same,
And the gifts that we were promised
Never came
So I, I walked into town,
Threw rocks at windows and passed the time,
I passed the time 
(I passed the time!) 

And I shall always never forget this,
When suddenly a chill upon my neck takes form
As a bird made out of fire and snakes,
And he gives me the strangest peck,
He says, ‘Let’s go out for tea and cakes’

Sometimes you roll the dice, 
Sometimes the dice roll you,
Christmas can be so nice,
But it can be awful too,
And somewhere out there
There’s another Big Red Arthur
Greasing up his body
To go down in fume